Everyone can agree that a baby shower is a memorable experience for both mommy-to-be and her loved ones. Yet, some may disagree on the proper party protocol. For example, traditionalists say that mothers should only have one baby shower and just for the first child; while others find it acceptable (and necessary) to host two or more baby showers depending on the circumstances. Use the following Q&A to learn the modern day baby shower etiquette essentials.

When should the baby shower be held?

Most baby showers are held four to six weeks before the mother’s due date. It is also fine to, instead, host a baby shower after the birth. This is sometimes preferred for mothers who did not find out the sex of the baby beforehand (gifts can then be personalized or gender-specific), or if a mother has adopted a child. In either scenario, guests should receive the invitation at least three weeks to a month in advance to plan accordingly. Whether the shower is held before or after the birth, the new addition will surely be the joyful topic of conversation!

Who should host the baby shower?

While an expectant mom should never host her own bash, the rules on who should assume the role of hostess have evolved over time. It is now perfectly acceptable for the honoree’s mother, mother-in-law, sister, family member, or close friend to head up festivities. If the gathering is to be a surprise, the hostess may control everything including the guest list, theme, and location. However, if the shower is expected, solicitation of input from the honoree is highly recommended.

Should a registry list be included with the invite?

Yes! Invitations that include a registry list make it easier for guests to shop and also ensures that the mom will receive items that she wants and needs. The use of registries can help eliminate duplication of gifts.

Should the mom be showered for the second child?

There is much debate about whether a baby shower for a second or third child is appropriate. Some feel that parents have already been gifted with essential baby needs; however, a gap in years or difference in gender might complicate the use of formerly gifted items. A person’s first baby shower is always hosted by someone else; therefore, if you decide to hold a second baby shower, I suggest referring to the celebration in another way. Make up an interesting and exciting title, such as: “Get together for another bundle of joy,” “Diaper time approaching party,” or “Celebration for our new addition.” Since everyone loves to celebrate, let your invitation emphasize the fun intentions of your gathering. Your guests may feel more at ease in bringing a gift to the second event if they see that you are pleased to offer a nice party and desire their participation.

What is a virtual baby shower?

Social networking has opened the door for this growing trend. Though it’s likely to be frowned upon by traditionalists, a virtual baby shower is a good way for your hostess to bring together friends who live far away. Some choose this method to allow loved ones to take part in the celebration without the expectation of travel. There is no coordination of decorations or refreshments, and most can arrange their schedule to “attend.” Facebook is one platform that can be utilized for a virtual baby shower with options surrounding chats, gift-giving, games, prizes, and more. If physically having an event is not feasible for your mom-to-be, consider Googling virtual baby showers for more information.

What are the ABCs of RSVPs?

Accepting and regretting invitations is slowly becoming a forgotten art. This protocol is very much needed to help plan an event. RSVP is a French phrase representing the words “repondez s’il vous plait,” which simply means “please reply.” If an invitation includes a RSVP (usually accompanied by a specific date), you are expected to respond within the appropriate time frame. Failure to do so can cause complications for the event organizer, such as ensuring accurate quantities of food, seating, etc. Even if you are not planning to attend, you should communicate your regret as specified, whether using a reply card, email, or phone call.

Should the host receive a thank you gift?

Technically, the mommy-to-be is not required to present a thank you gift to her baby shower hostess; however, displaying your appreciation is always a nice gesture. For a shower hosted by one individual, you might offer a thank you card with a floral arrangement, wine, or gift card. If you have more than one hostess, consider gifting each with a goody bag of useful items like lip gloss, hand sanitizer, or other small personal items along with a heartfelt note.

Send a thank you card to each guest and gift-giver. Try to get this done before the big delivery day as it will be harder to do it once baby arrives! But if you don’t meet this deadline, just remember that it’s never too late to show gratitude.

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