Think it’s time for a digital detox? A surprising number of people are blogging (aah, the irony!) about digital overload and their efforts to wean themselves and their families from its potentially harmful effects. Even the Internet’s Holy Grail, Google, encourages its employees to unplug during the workday by providing everything from bicycle paths to on-site massage services.

Our love-hate relationship with technology isn’t new. Some are convinced that technology is undermining the world’s traditional values. The truth is that people can lead responsible, rewarding lives with or without technology. The question is, if you use technology, does it serve a valid purpose? And, of course, how people use technology varies tremendously depending on personality, stage of life, and many other variables.

6 and under

What’s a parent to do in the role of technology gatekeeper as a child grows up? For children under six years, parents have to exercise discipline—usually over themselves. Be honest…how often do you buy a little peace by encouraging your child to watch TV, play video games, or fool with a cellphone? It’s not that young children should never do these things, but ‘all things in moderation’ should be the rule. Little ones need three-dimensional play and plenty of interaction with a living, breathing person.

6 to 12

From six to twelve years, children benefit from supervised access to technologies that help them succeed in school, make friends, and develop confidence in their own capabilities. Setting and enforcing appropriate limits keeps kids from being sucked into technology’s black hole while disregarding other interests. It should be a cardinal rule to unplug during meals and other family events. Keep technology out of bedrooms and enforce reasonable bedtimes. Expect your child to engage in some sort of physical activity every day, whether it’s a team practice or simply walking the dog after dinner, to curb couch potato habits.

12 and above

In adolescence, young people come to terms with who they are. Some people really are exhilarated by marathon gaming sessions or multi-tasking with social media. Others need long stretches of screen-free time to be in touch with their own thoughts. Teens really can’t know what works for them without some experimentation. Parents can help by encouraging kids to think about what matters in their lives. How does technology support their goals? How does it get in the way?

At all ages, parents can make it clear that using technology should always be a choice and not a compulsion. In a life that has only so much time, everyone has to use it wisely. Technology is seductive and sometimes the only way to get perspective is to step away from the keyboard. Here are some suggestions about how to do that:

Commit to daily quiet time.  It takes discipline to resist the call of e-mail, social media sites, or reality TV, but it’s discipline well worth cultivating. Start by establishing your own device-free time. It might be the first fifteen minutes of the day, the stretch between getting home and eating dinner, or the half hour before bed. Consider spending this time in mindful activity— like meditating, praying, or writing in a gratitude journal. Tell your kids what you are doing.  Invite them to join you or to find their own quiet time.

Do your own research.   Many schools urge parents to participate in observance events such as National Day of Unplugging, Digital Detox Week, or Screen Free Week. Events like these offer a built-in opportunity to talk about what technology means in your household. If unplugging for an entire day or weekend feels like too big a step, (yes, withdrawal is no picnic!) use the time to do your own research. Track how long family members spend on video games, television, social networking, online homework, and e-mail. This can be an eye-opening activity for your family techies, including your own screen time. Discuss your findings with everyone and decide whether adjustments should be made.

Brainstorm tech alternatives.  People who have become attached to their digital lives may feel anxiety—or even hostility—if you ask them to unplug. Be prepared with engaging, age appropriate alternatives, such as puzzles, magic tricks, board games, crafts, and books for reading aloud.  Consider hands-on hobbies such as cooking or gardening. Explore your community or find a volunteer project you can participate in as a family.  (If you find yourself struggling to think of things to do without your devices, check out: www.turnoffyourtv.com.

Consider a digital vacation.  A growing number of resorts are making a virtue out of freedom from Wi-fi, TV, and even phones. On the Caribbean islands of St. Vincent and the Grenadines, hotel guests actually get a guidebook that shows them how to have fun without technology! Of course, your family can get similar results for much less money by going camping (even in the backyard), renting a nearby cabin that’s out of Wi-fi range, or booking a vacation at a working farm. Browse ideas at www.ruralbounty.com or www.agritourismworld.com.

The point of these exercises isn’t to demonize technology. TV, video games, social networks, and cellphones have a legitimate role to play in healthy, happy lives. Still, you and your kids are most likely to achieve digital balance if you take periodic breaks and ask fundamental questions: How are we using technology in our family? Is it improving our relationships? Is it crowding out things that matter? Teaching kids to pause every now and then to ask thoughtful, reflective questions about their digital lives is probably the best way to be sure their long-term relationship with technology will be constructive and enriching.