Fighting is actually important for a healthy marriage. Let me argue my point… Not only does it strengthen the relationship with your partner, but Science Daily reports that a good fight might also be beneficial for your wellbeing. When one or both spouses suppress their anger, it often causes emotional and physical strain. Whereas, expressing such feelings and coming to a resolution for the conflict is healthier all around. Here are some tips for healthy fighting:

Don’t fight in front of the kids. If your disagreements get heated, keep them away from the children. Mommy and daddy yelling, crying, or using loud voices is very confusing and upsetting for youngsters. Vow to keep debates amicable until the kids are at school, at grandma’s house, in bed, or elsewhere.

Address it right away. Arguments can start from something small ─ like where to go to dinner ─ but, by the time the meal is served, the tension has snowballed into everything your spouse has ever done to annoy you. Gently address what is bugging you as soon as it is appropriate. Try a simple statement like: “Honey, it really stresses me out when you expect me to come up with a plan every time. Can we figure out a better way of doing it together?” This will open the door to a much-needed conversation and avoid the tendency to allow feelings to fester because of withheld frustration.

Consider it a discussion, not a fight. Occasionally (um… many times) you’re not going to see eye to eye. All couples disagree and argue from time to time. Think of it as a healthy discussion instead of a fight. There’s no way to come to an understanding without both sides airing out all questions, concerns, feelings, etc. Respectfully, allow each other to communicate your points and expect the same in return.

Be curious, not defensive. Instead of demanding answers, ask and listen for the responses. Ponder why your partner thinks a certain way and what is perceive as the pros and cons of that opinion. Share your thoughts in a calm, quiet manner and answer posed questions. Curiosity tends to lead to understanding.

Discussions are OK in front of the kids. If you are fighting in a way that is disrespectful or unhealthy, definitely keep it far from your kids (as previously noted). However, it is acceptable to model healthy communication skills for your children, which might lead to teaching compromise. It’s important for children to see that people don’t always agree and learn ways to successfully address conflict.

Researchers are even debating the old saying, “Never go to bed angry.” Sometimes a good night of sleep makes a whole world of difference in how an issue is viewed. Focus on the specific matter at hand and you’re more likely to achieve a healthy marriage ripe with good communication.