Serious newsie is a twitter with hilarious family moMENts

As host of Orlando’s Morning News on 96.5 FM, Joe Kelley knows how to report serious headlines. But, when it comes to his wife and children, Joe prefers to chronicle the hilarity of family life with an “instant diary” ─ aka Twitter! Here are some of his recent tweets:

• Frustrated that everyone at the office spends SO MUCH TIME talking football on Monday. When does the Backyardigans conversation start?

• Brooks (9) started soccer camp today. He’s frustrated ‘cause coach doesn’t speak English. What language does he speak, I asked? “British.”

• I looked in mirror thinking, “How did I cut my face?” Upon closer examination I realized it was chocolate from s’mores. #grownupproblems

• My daughter (11) has been talking to me nonstop for the past 10 minutes. At this point, I feel like I should take my earbuds out and hope I can catch up on the discussion.

• The thing is… I don’t even feel guilty that I just offered $5 to the first child to fall asleep tonight.

• “Daddy! You’re home early from work today. Did you get fired?” ~ Brooks (9), making me paranoid.

• Hudson (yelling at me from the front door): “DAD!” Me: “Son, don’t yell at me. Come talk to me.” (Hudson walks over.) Hudson: “Dad, I stepped in dog poo. What should I do?”

• Me: “Brooks, you have mail.” Brooks (9): “Mail? What’s mail?” Me: “It’s how old people use to talk to each other.”

• Of all the lessons I’ve taught my children, I most regret not teaching them how to sleep in!

• I went to Dunkin Donuts this morning. When I got home, I found that they’d only put 10 donuts in my dozen box… Or at least, that’s my story.

• Brooks (9) does an amazing impression of his twin Hudson crying. I’m pretty sure a better dad wouldn’t laugh. #dadFAIL

• My gym schedule for the week — Monday: Legs. Tue-Fri: Complain about how sore my legs are.

• My twin boys have already planned their Halloween costumes for the next 4 years. I’m not even sure what I’m going to wear to work tomorrow.

• It’s noon. We’ve been ‘leaving for SeaWorld’ since 10 am. The kids still can’t find their shoes.

Joe Kelley hosts Orlando’s Morning News weekdays from 5-9 am. Follow him on Twitter.com/talkradiojoe.