Etiquette Essentials: Formal Events with Informal Children

As adorable and well-mannered as young children can be, they often create embarrassing moments for their parents, especially if brought to an event intended for a mature audience. To avoid that bit of awkwardness, here are a few pointers to consider (and share) when you are organizing an adult-oriented event, such as a bridal or baby shower, surprise birthday party, retirement celebration, shopping spree, or a wedding.

Clear Invitations

It’s appropriate to emphasize “Adults Only” when sending out invitations for the special event, whether the offer is extended through mail, email (Evite), or via a phone call. As part of the communication, you may also wish to include the names of invited persons to ensure guests understand your wishes surrounding plus-one guests and children. No sense in hinting around!

Unexpected RSVPs

One of your guests receives the invitation and responds to the RSVP by calling you to accept, but also explains a dilemma that indicates an extra plus-one (or two), such as lack of babysitter, family member in town, etc. For example, the invited couple would like to bring their two daughters since this would be a great opportunity to teach them some social skills. You might respond by stating something like: “I’m excited that you and *Dave will be attending our event, but I just wanted to remind you that we are hosting adults only. There will not be enough seating or supervision for children. Of course, I look forward to seeing you and your entire family at another time in the near future and I do appreciate your understanding.” Trust me, they will respect your candor and gentleness ─ whether they like it or not.

Kids Zone

If the event is one where kids are welcome, but not the main attraction or reason for the event, then try to include some kid-friendly aspects. For example, include activities that are engaging for the youngsters. Fun games involving electronics or music seem to always be a hit. However, arrange to have the games a distance away from the main area to avoid noise or other disruptions that could distract from the main event. Consider assigning someone to oversee the kids’ area, especially during meal times and important toasts or speeches. Plus, when the adults and children experience different aspects of the event, the ride home will be filled with fun chatter and stories to share!

Best Behavior Speech

If you plan to bring your children to an event (once OK’d), tell them what is expected of them at the function and what type of behavior they should display. For example, depending on their age(s), practice how to shake a person’s hand or accept a greeting. Remind them of two powerful phrases: “please” and “thank you.” Be sure to have this “best behavior” conversation with them at home and not in the car while en route to the event.

Sabrina Samuels is the Founder and Director of Beckman Etiquette. Visit BeckmanEtiquette.com.