The conversation around moving an older loved one into a senior living community can be a difficult one, but it’s made easier by highlighting the many health and social benefits.

Caring for loved ones as they battle the physical and mental tolls of aging is a stressful experience relatable to millions of Americans every year. One of the most difficult aspects is deciding if the senior can remain in their own home or the home of a relative—which is usually their first choice—or has reached the point where the attention they require can only be provided in a senior living community.

“It’s a tough conversation, and unfortunately, sometimes it takes things to happen for the individual to realize that it’s time to go ahead and make this transition,” says Ignacio Quinones, who is the co-owner with his wife Veronica of North Star Senior Advisors, a company that helps place people in the community that best suits their needs.

“A lot of times, it’s a reactive and not a proactive situation. We get calls saying, ‘My mom is in the nursing home and there’s no way she can go home again. This is the second or third time she’s fallen and we’re worried about her safety.’ Usually, that’s what triggers a conversation, but every now and then we do get clients who are proactive because they start noticing things with their mom or dad. But that’s not as common, unfortunately.”

One of the obstacles that must be overcome is that a lot of folks have misperceptions about what senior living even entails.

“Many people think of nursing homes or inactive people,” says Stephanie Storey-Gonzalez, sales manager at Lutheran Haven, a full-service retirement community in Oviedo. “Most seniors have better quality of life and live more fulfilling lives in many ways in a community. They are less isolated, have better health and nutrition.”

Quinones explains that there are three main types of senior living communities. Independent living is geared toward those who are still in good health but want to downsize, live a maintenance-free lifestyle and have more of a social environment. Assisted living is for seniors unable to live independently who need health care-related assistance or help with daily living activities like bathing and dressing. In both of those cases, the ultimate decision still comes from the individual, usually with support from family members.

The third option, memory care, is for dementia or Alzheimer’s patients, and in that situation the decision will have to be made for them. Some communities may offer a combination of two or all three, while others just specialize in one. A company like North Star Senior Advisors can help clients navigate the process by providing an overview of the communities available in Central Florida, schedule and accompany them on tours, and answer any questions they have.

“It’s not as easy as just driving around the corner and picking the one that’s down the street,” Quinones says. “There are different license types in Florida that can provide different skillsets from a regulatory perspective, and they’re all priced differently.

“The analogy that I give clients is that we’re kind of like realtors for senior living. We’ll do a consultation, and with me being a nurse as well, we’ll really figure out what their clinical need is, because that’s a huge element to this environment. We’ll match them with the right license type, make sure they’re getting the right care, and their budget also needs to be matched, because they’re all priced differently and they all have different amenities.”

For adult children who are juggling their own families along with their careers, getting this type of support for a parent, aunt or uncle is invaluable. The best part is they don’t have to pay a dime—North Star is compensated by whichever community they choose.

“For someone who wants to do this on their own, the message we like to send out is that it can be very overwhelming and time-consuming,” Quinones says. “It’s kind of like if you’re in the market for a home, do you technically need a real estate agent? Not really: You can drive around town to all of the open houses and hope you find the one that you can afford and has the amenities that you’re looking for, or you can use an agent who will give you an exact match of what you’re looking for and can afford and expedite the process. That’s where we come in.”

Storey-Gonzalez also encourages seniors to tour the local communities to see which ones might be a match.

“Many seniors have preconceived notions about senior living and what it is all about,” she says. “Once you can get them to tour and experience what life in a community can be like, it takes away the fear and apprehension. Many communities will offer lunch and a tour, maybe [the chance to] participate in events or activities on campus. There are many different types of communities so it’s really about finding the right fit.”

Once they find the community that suits them, the benefits of socializing with peers and having numerous ways to stay active can be noticeable almost immediately, especially for those who may have been experiencing isolation or even depression before the move. Whether it’s rediscovering an old hobby, trying a new activity or just having a friend to talk to, it can have a profound impact on their well-being.

“Staying active is key to a long, fulfilling life,” Storey-Gonzalez says. “It improves brain function and increases self-confidence. As our community fitness programs continue to grow, residents have an opportunity to travel as a group and participate in many things they wouldn’t if they were living alone.”

What to Know About a POA

While there are many critical factors for an individual to consider in estate planning in order to protect both themselves and their loved ones in life and after they have passed, one of the most important is a power of attorney, or POA. This legal document can allow for an “agent,” often an adult child, to make financial decisions on their behalf, notably if and when they have become incapacitated.

Estate planning is one of the areas of expertise for attorney Pamela Martini, along with elder law, probate, guardianship and special needs. Orlando Family Magazine asked her what readers should know about establishing a POA.

Is it common for someone to request your services in drafting a POA on behalf of aging parents?

“We do get calls from people who say they need a power of attorney for their mom or their dad. As part of the educational process of all this, it’s good to let people know that it’s not something they can call up and ‘get’—it’s something the parent would have to give to them, certainly when it’s not too late for the parent to understand what they’re signing. … They have to agree to give it to you, and in that situation we encourage the person calling the office to have their parent call us, because that’s who would be hiring me to do the documents for them.”

Is it a lengthy process?

“No, it’s really not. We send out our estate-planning questionnaire to the potential client, and that’s certainly something where the children can help them complete it, can help them gather the information they need. We gather information so we can talk about all of estate planning, even if someone is just looking for power of attorney. Somebody might have a will already, but we encourage our clients to do the full package: the will, the power of attorney and the health care surrogate, just because each one of those documents has a different role to play in somebody’s estate plan. I often say that the power of attorney can be the most important document, because that’s the thing that allows someone to help you out during your life. … The way I explain it is, the authority of the power of attorney dies when the authority of the will starts, and that’s at the moment that person passes away. The will has no effect while you’re alive, and the power of attorney has no effect after you pass away, so that’s why they’re each very important.”

What happens if an individual is not able to make decisions but has no POA in place?

“If somebody becomes incapacitated and doesn’t have a valid power of attorney in place, that’s where guardianship can become the only option, which is very expensive and time consuming.”

What are the different kinds of power of attorney?

“Generally we work with the durable power of attorney—durable means that it lasts even if that person becomes incapacitated, and that’s usually the whole purpose of having one in the first place, for when you become incapacitated. But in Florida, it’s important to remember that the durable power of attorney becomes effective as soon as the person signs it. You might not need it until that person becomes incapacitated, but the agent you name has authority right away. Sometimes we do a limited power of attorney that might just be for a real estate transaction, and we a lot of those in probate if there’s a lot of documents to sign. Maybe there are 10 beneficiaries of an estate, so we’ll have them do a power of attorney so one person can handle the closing of the real estate, to make it easier. You can also limit it to a certain time period.”

What else about a POA is important to know?

“There are certain what we call superpowers within the power of attorney that can give the agent authority to do some very specific things that might be important in a long-term care planning scenario. So it’s important to make sure the person talks to their attorney and understands what powers they’re giving to the agent, especially for an older person, because a lot of times they’re calling because it is to do long-term planning. So you want to make sure you have all the correct powers to do whatever needs to be done. You also need to trust that person 100%, and the other thing to keep in mind is that power of attorney is always revocable. Let’s say you name an agent and then you see that person doing things you didn’t authorize them to do—it’s important to revoke that right away.”

Are there downsides to being an agent?

“That’s a question we get a lot: If you’re that person’s agent, does that make you legally responsible for their debts? The answer to that is no. You are legally responsible for the acts that you do as the agent, so you want to make sure you’re acting in that person’s best interests in line with that person’s estate plan. But it doesn’t make you liable for that person’s debts. A lot of times people are using the power of attorney to sign an agreement for an assisted living or nursing home, and I always recommend that they sign as the power of attorney, because they don’t want to be personally responsible. But I am starting to see contracts from these different facilities where they do want someone to be a personal guarantor, and that makes the agent understandably very nervous, because they don’t want to be personally responsible.”