Even before Marna Louis’ second child was born, she and her husband knew that their baby boy would need to share a bedroom with his older sister. Also faced with similar space limitations in their home, Kari and Matt Lee utilized a spare bedroom as a music room to maintain their business and, as a result, their son bunked with his two sisters.

Fifty years ago, sharing a room was common; then, it went out of fashion. Families got smaller as houses grew into mini-mansions. But today either through necessity or by choice, kids are again sharing living spaces. Sometimes room-sharing siblings are not the same sex, but rather a brother and sister combo.

Potential Benefits of Room Sharing

Many parents have fond childhood memories of sharing a room with a sibling. Or, at the very least, they recognize the value of lessons they learned during that time. “Sharing a room can teach kids how to share and respect private space. Those are related issues, but different,” explains Russell Hyken, an educational diagnostician and psychotherapist, and creator of Ed-Psy.com. “You need those skills in life. They’re good to learn at an early age with natural consequences.”

Many parents find that when brothers and sisters share a room the squabbling is lesser than between same sex siblings. “There is usually more competitiveness and rivalry among same sex siblings,” explains James J. Crist, Ph.D., author of Siblings, You’re Stuck with Each Other, So Stick Together. “Siblings of the opposite sex just don’t breed that same conflict. It’s the same way that girls in the classroom can moderate boys.” Frequently, boys and girls have different interests so there isn’t the same struggle for toys, clothes, or even friends. It can actually be a happier, healthier experience than same gender sharing.

Logistics for Boys and Girls

Louis says that her daughter and son, now ten and eight, have always shared a bedroom. “For us, the decision was a space issue, so early on we felt it was easy for the kids to do. It’s worked out really well and has been a great experience. It’s definitely created a close bond between them.”

In fact, parents may find that kids spend so little time in their bedrooms ─ compared to the backyard or family room ─ that it’s not much of an issue. Rory Leahy’s boy-girl twins shared a room until the fourth grade. “It wasn’t like they made it a social space. They got along really well and so it was a natural, enjoyable experience fort them.”

First Lady Michelle Obama shared a room with her brother Craig Robinson while growing up. Today, both siblings speak openly about how this set the foundation for an extremely close and beneficial brother-sister relationship. Hyken recommends that, any time siblings share a room, parents talk about and set boundaries. “When friends come over, where does the other sibling go? Are they allowed to participate in the sibling’s play date? Are any toys or areas off limits to one another? Are the siblings treating each other kindly and appropriately? These are conversations all parents should have if their kids share a room ─ regardless of same sex or opposite sex room sharing.”

As They Grow

Eventually some special accommodations may need to be made, particularly as children approach puberty. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they need to be split up, but rather be respectful of privacy demands. For Louis’ family, this meant rotating the morning and evening routines. “Usually, we’ll have one of the kids get ready and get dressed in the bedroom, while the other is brushing teeth in the bathroom. That kind of time management really eases some of the tension.” Crist agrees, “The one issue that gets problematic as children get older is the sense of modesty.” Often a simple adjustment is all that’s needed. “Once they are aware of the differences, they just shouldn’t undress in front of each other. The room can still be used, of course, for sleep and play. If parents have concerns, I suggest initiating a rule of leaving the door open.”

It’s always important to talk to kids directly and see if they have any additional concerns. If parents set ground rules and discuss privacy and boundary needs in advance, children are much less likely to experience conflict.

Brothers and sisters who share a room receive a lifelong lesson in how the opposite sex thinks and acts. They learn how boys and girls are different and how they are similar. They’re not nearly as prone to stealing each other’s toys and are more likely to be protective of each other. Brothers and sisters are also more likely to have a healthier attitude towards the opposite sex. Besides, all that talking and giggling at bedtime, annoying though it can be at the time, will be fondly remembered well into adulthood.