I think many of us can relate to Deanna, mom of three girls (one of them a teen), when she said, “Dating? Not my babies!” My own first date happened when I was 16 ½ and my parents were hardcore: If I missed curfew by 1 minute, I was grounded for two weeks (and yes, I was grounded quite often). For me, 13 or 14 would have been too young for dating because boys still freaked me out then, and I had no siblings to learn from.

Many parents take the issue of teen dating on a case-by-case basis because every kid is different. Some children are fairly mature at age 15, while others may not be ready for a first date until age 19. “We don’t have a set age for dating yet, and our oldest is 14. I think a numerical age is way too hard to pinpoint because of different maturity levels. I do, however, see being a responsible driver as somewhat related to being able to handle dating,” said Wendy Budetti, mom of five.

Some parents see dating as a means to finding a spouse, so why start so early? Instead, group dating might be encouraged. Mall dates are a great place to start when kids are in junior high. Kids can meet up to walk around, window shop, hit the food court, and maybe see a movie. Some parents will stay and sit at the back of the theatre with an eagle eye, while others will opt for the drop-off thing.

House dates are a next step for teens (or parents!) who may not be quite ready for one-on-one socializing yet. Tonya, mom of one, said, “My daughter is 17 and, for the last year or so, I have allowed her to have a boy come over to watch a movie or play board games as long as I am home. Her bedroom is off limits!”

Sean Covey’s book, The Six Most Important Decisions You Will Ever Make: A Guide for Teens, talks about adolescents’ readiness to date, and knowing the difference between “intelligent” and “brainless” dating. Intelligent dating is not making decisions based on hormones, popularity, money, and what the crowd is doing. Brainless dating is the opposite.

When you feel your teen is ready for one-on-one dating, keep these pointers in mind:

• Try to model healthy romantic relationships at home. Talk to your teen about dating and how it’s not always as the media portrays it. In fact, some of the very best dates are free. Be realistic about how a date might play out.
• Talk to your child about what a good relationship is, such as how the other person should never push, hit, degrade,  or pressure your teen into doing things that he/she knows shouldn’t be doing. In essence, make sure they know the proper way to respect another individual (and themselves).
• Have a plan. Teens should decide in advance which qualities they are looking for, how they don’t want a date to go, what they would do if they find themselves in a bad situation, etc.
• Teen dating is about meeting many different kinds of people to find out what they eventually may like in a life partner; so don’t flip out if your teen brings home a guy who you don’t love… Chances are he will not become your future son-in-law!
• Talk to your teen about being himself/herself and not turning into a chameleon to please a potential date.
• Let your teen know he or she can always ask you questions. Don’t be afraid to share your own best and worst experiences, as well as mistakes you made while dating. Everybody has bad judgment sometimes, so let your teen know you understand that, and that you are willing to pick her/him up at any time of the night if a bad situation arises.

Kim, a mom from Indianapolis, put it well when she said, “I think the best thing you can do is set the rules and guidelines for your daughter or son and do not let society set them. You have to parent them, not be their friend, and not be their matchmaker.”