Long before the availability of mobile devices and social media, kids passed flirtatious or even racy love notes to the people they liked. Sometimes those notes got dropped on the classroom floor or confiscated by the teacher and, before long, everyone was gossiping between classes about what was supposed to be a private message. Today’s technology adds cellphone cameras, text messaging, and instant Internet access into the scenario of seducing one’s crush.

It’s become common for teens to ‘sext’ or post a semi-nude or nude photo or video. In fact, a survey conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy found that 39% of teens have sent or posted sexually suggestive emails or text messages. Additionally, the survey revealed that 44% of teens said “it is common for sexually suggestive text messages to get shared with people other than the intended recipient.”

Sending sexy pictures doesn’t necessarily mean that teens are having sex. Statistics indicate that more than half of all teens delay their first sexual encounter until after high school, a significant increase from ten years ago. Of the teens that send provocative pictures, most share the images with a boyfriend or a girlfriend on the often mistaken assumption that they will stay private. Some think of nude pictures as a special present; others send the racy content as joke. Shockingly, a small minority (15%) revealed that they had sent risqué photos to someone they didn’t know in real life.

Despite their claim that these photos and messages are simply for “fun”, three quarters of the teens surveyed acknowledge that sending provocative content “can have serious or negative consequences.” Half agree that it’s common for such material to be seen by people other than the intended recipient; and a third of the boys and a quarter of the girls have looked at photos that weren’t intended to be shared. Often such pictures make the rounds after a break-up when one half of a young couple wants to embarrass the other.

Are these pictures homemade pornography? Or are they simply the inevitable result of evolving technology meeting adolescent curiosity about sex? Is distributing the pictures considered to be criminal behavior, bullying with a sexual dimension, or just teen foolishness? Experts ─ and for that matter parents ─ answer those questions in different ways. No matter how you feel about this new development in adolescent courtship, there are some things you should proactively discuss with your teen.

Legal Matters

Sending naked pictures of a minor (anyone under 18) fits the legal description of distributing child pornography. That’s true whether the person sending the pictures is the classic dirty old man, a classmate playing a prank, or someone who’s been dumped and wants revenge. Penalties vary, but a child who posts or forwards such pictures to friends risks being charged with a misdemeanor or even a felony. In the worst case scenario, a teen could be added to a state list of Registered Sex Offenders which could have lifelong consequences.

Self-image

Today’s adolescents have grown up in a culture permeated with sexual images. As they start to have their own sexual feelings, it’s not surprising that they will feel confused about how to present themselves. Talk to your teen about the difference between being attractive and being provocative. One is perfectly acceptable in public; the other should be reserved for private. Then, remind your child that digital photos are never private once they have been forwarded or posted.

Friendly Photos

Talk to your teen about using cellphone cameras and digital cameras responsibly. Professional photographers obtain signed releases before they publish another person’s photo. Friends don’t need to go legal but they should use the same mental test: Would my friend give permission to have this photo distributed? Point out that friends don’t send compromising pictures of friends. If the other person isn’t your friend, why do you have his or her picture? Why does he or she have yours?

Harassment Hints

Many young women and some young men wind up sending naked pictures because they are pressured by a partner. Remind both boys and girls that someone who actually cares about them won’t push them into doing things that feel uncomfortable. Introduce your child to ThatsNotcool.com, a public service website that helps kids handle all kinds of online harassment including “pic pressure.” The site includes stories from young people who have made mistakes, as well as edgy “calling cards” that teens can send to peers who don’t have a grip on digital boundaries.

Every generation discovers sex. Parents may want to keep their kids cloistered, but that isn’t a very realistic strategy. Parents should encourage kids to slow down and think about their choices. Like so many other adolescent behaviors, sending a naked picture or video is something that is likely to be done in haste and repented at leisure. However, in addition to humiliation, sexting can lead to serious actions or outcomes, including teen suicide. By talking frankly about why it’s a bad idea, parents are more likely to protect kids from the mild to serious consequences of letting hormones override common sense.