Serious news director is a twitter with family moMENts

As host of Orlando’s Morning News on 96.5 fm, Joe Kelley knows how to report serious headlines. But when it comes to his wife, Nicole, and their three young children, Joe prefers to chronicle the hilarity of family life with an “instant diary” ─ aka Twitter! Here are some of his recent tweets.

• Saw something on the floor at the house this morning. Picked it up. Dog poop. I think I’m justified in NEVER picking up anything EVER again.
• Doctor asked me “Have you had any recent falls?” I’m all – NO, sheesh, I’m not old. Well, wait, I did fall off a pogo stick. So, yes.
• I said “Yes, ma’am” to the woman at drive-thru speaker, only to pull car up and find it’s a dude. I’ll just assume my food’s been spat upon.
• Me: Nicole, this is the best roast you’ve ever cooked. Hudson (8): Well, I wouldn’t say THAT. Me: Hudson, let’s go talk privately.
• Sierra (10): But Daddy, why do we have to clean the kitchen table if it’s just gonna get dirty again? Me: Honestly, Sierra, I don’t know.
• Wife: Are you going to wear that shirt out tonight? Me: Evidently not.
• “Daddy, can you get the ingredients to make bacon?” ~ Brooks (8)
• I taught Sierra (10) how to bat her eyes this morning. I suspect I’ll regret teaching her this someday…
• The new family motto: “Hi. We’re the Kelleys. Has anyone seen my phone?™” Or so it seems.
• I just threw out my shoulder sitting perfectly still. SITTING. PERFECTLY. STILL.
• Brooks (8): Daddy, what’s your background? Me: Well, I was born in California but rais… Brooks: No. The background on your phone?!
• When you walk away from a discussion, but the other person doesn’t realize you’ve walked away, RU required to go back? Asking for a friend…
• Brooks (8) is karate chopping water in the shower. So if we ever get attacked by warm and soothing sprinkles, we’re totes safe.
• After a long day at work, finally go home, take off your clothes … only to find you had a dryer sheet stuck in your shirt all day. That.
• “Daddy,” Brooks (8) asks, “Instead of a new addition, can we add a zipline to the house?” For the record, NEITHER is even in discussion.
• Every day I get home from a 12-hr workday, my wife says thanks for supporting the family. I remind her that I have the easy end of the deal.
• My wife and daughter are back from a four-day out-of-town trip. “Sorry boys, we have to put our shirts on for dinner tonight…”
• Wife’s out of town. She reminds me to feed the dog. I remembered that. Glad she didn’t ask about feeding the kids.
• Hudson (8): Daddy, are we almost home? Me: Seriously? Do you EVER look out the window when we’re driving?
• I was about to make the case with management that I need a master key, but realized the only time I need it is when I lose mine.
• Sierra (10): We ate lunch yesterday at Orlando Outhouse. Me: I’m reasonably sure that’s Orlando ALE House, but go on…

As News Director for News 96.5, Joe Kelley hosts Orlando’s Morning News weekdays from 5-9 am. Follow him on Twitter.com/talkradiojoe.