Experts tell us that it’s not unusual to feel depressed before or after your little one is born. Don’t ignore your feelings, Dad. Get the help you need to cope with the anxiety.

Whether for a first-timer or a seasoned dad, fatherhood can be a roller coaster ride of emotional upheaval. It’s supposed to be a time of gurgles, coos, and teddy bears, but the combination of a colicky baby, sleep deprivation, and financial worries can send new dads, as well as mommies, into a downward spiral of stress and depression. For some men, the changes, expectations,  and added responsibilities of a partner’s pregnancy, followed by the arrival of a newborn, can trigger more than just the usual new-dad jitters. New dads often develop symptoms quite similar to those of women diagnosed with prenatal and postpartum depression. Add the approaching holidays to the mix, and depressed dads may feel lost in the shuffle and find themselves plodding through each day, tired, angry, anxious, and unable to understand why they feel as they do.

Looking back to the time when his wife Kathryn was pregnant with their first child, Joseph S. recalls a period that should have been filled with happiness and anticipation. Instead, he felt a great deal of regret. “During the last two months of Kathryn’s pregnancy, a lot of negative thoughts began going through my mind,” says Joseph. “I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t going to be a good father; that I wasn’t making enough money in my job─ even though I was─ and that I wasn’t going to be able to handle all of the added responsibilities that being a first-time dad would bring.”

For many years, society has viewed depression as a women’s illness, mostly the result of hormonal changes, such as those experienced  pre or  post-menstrually, pre or postpartum, and pre or post menopause. As a result, men have traditionally masked their true feelings and denied feeling depressed. Also, even if recognized, men are less likely to seek help for their depression and, consequently, their symptoms get progressively worse without treatment.

Symptoms

The Journal of the American Medical Association reveals that in a study conducted in 2010,   just over 14 percent of new dads in the U.S. exhibit postpartum depression. Men typically hide their depression well, and in the absence of tears and looking unhappy, the signs and symptoms of prenatal and postpartum depression in men may be overlooked and appear completely unrelated to the little bundle of joy happily snoozing in the nursery. Men with postpartum depression may exhibit:

• Irritability
• Anger
• Abuse of alcohol and illegal substances
• Low self-esteem
• Loss of interest in daily activities that were once pleasurable
• Fatigue
• Changes in appetite
• Sleep disturbances

As Joseph’s negative thoughts increased, he began to notice changes such as weight loss and insomnia. He’d never experienced this before.  His lack of sleep started to affect his job.  “My co-workers knew right away that something was wrong with me,” he says. “I pride myself on being an outgoing, dedicated employee, but I started to come in late, and my work performance began to suffer.  I just couldn’t get myself together.”

Like many men who experience pre and postnatal depression, Joseph didn’t want to admit that anything was wrong. “I thought that since these feelings had come on suddenly, they would go away by themselves,” Joseph had rationalized. “It was when I began to lose all interest in my wife, even after the baby was born, that I realized I needed to open up and get help.”

Lack of paternal bonding or involvement with the baby can occur as well, with significant negative consequences in the child’s health and development.  In a study of fathers who lived in the home with their one-year-old babies during 1999 to 2000, researchers from the University of Michigan discovered that seven percent reported having a major depressive episode around the time of the child’s birth. The researchers also noted that depressed dads were more likely to spank their babies and less likely to engage in healthy interaction with them.

Today, fathers are increasingly sharing the responsibilities of child care, including taking their children to routine doctor visits, which affords a pediatrician the opportunity to check in on daddy’s mental well-being.  On a more encouraging note, the University of Michigan research revealed that 77 percent of the depressed fathers in the study said they had spoken about their feelings with their child’s doctor during the year under study.

Treatment

So, what can friends and family do for men who appear to be struggling with pre or postnatal depression?  If symptoms are apparent, families should encourage treatment.  For men who experience depression, one of the first steps in seeking treatment should be a physical examination by their primary care physician.  The physician will usually inquire about family history, when the symptoms of depression began, and any new or increasing dependence on drugs or alcohol.  Specific laboratory testing will also be ordered, as certain symptoms of depression can be caused by anemia or an underactive thyroid gland.  If no physical cause for the depression is found, the depressed dad may be referred to a psychologist for further treatment.

Upon professional evaluation and diagnosis, depression can be successfully treated with a combination of antidepressant medications and/or psychotherapy.

Support

Often, new dads get lost in the shuffle…overlooked in favor of a radiant mom-to-be or an adorable new baby. It’s important to encourage and support new dads as they tend to their pregnant wives, help decorate nurseries, and plan for the arrival of a new life, in order to help them stay active and grounded in their roles as individuals and as new fathers.  Joseph says, “With the constant love and support I received from Kathryn and my parents, who stood by my side throughout treatment, I found the help that I needed to overcome my problems.”

Fortunately, support groups are popping up for fathers who experience depression.  Local churches, universities, hospitals, and recreational centers around the country are hosting groups where dads can go and spend time talking with other fathers about the rewards and challenges of parenting.  Encourage a new dad to seek out these groups or even start one of his own.  A Saturday morning playgroup with other new fathers in the community can work wonders for a struggling dad.  Just knowing that he is not alone can help a new father cope with his sadness and depression.

For further information on depression and fatherhood, please visit the following websites:

• Mental Health Association of Central Florida: http://mhacf.org/
• National Alliance on Mental Illness: http://www.nami.org/