Orlando Family Magazine

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dating altogether.” Be careful to distinguish
between romance and sex; they aren’t the same
thing. “Many young girls are more interested
in infatuation and the logistics of being asked
out on a date than in sex,” says Kahn. If you
immediately bring up sex when your tween or
teen mentions a boyfriend, you’ll shut down the
dialog.
DO Supervise Appropriately. Madsen’s
research shows 64% of parents have rules about
kids’ romantic relationships. The best rules give
parents a chance to step in if their child needs
support, says Madsen; they don’t restrict kids’
behavior. For instance, you might make a rule
that you must meet a date before your child goes
out and that you need to know where they’re
going and when they’ll return. “Restrictive rules
that tell kids who they can (and can’t) date,
and what they can (and can’t) do on a date are
perceived as overbearing,” says Madsen, and can
backfire. Kids may look for loopholes or keep
relationships secret to avoid punishment.
DON’T Intrude. Dating is one way kids
separate from parents and that may evoke some
anxiety, says Madsen. Holding on isn’t healthy.
“Teens crave privacy and independence,”
says Kahn, “and they’ll pull away if you’re
overinvolved.” Forgo any spy missions you
might be contemplating. Just be available to
act as a sounding board when your child wants
to talk. When he chooses to share his dating
troubles and triumphs, keep them in the strictest
confidence. It’s not cool to post your kid’s
romance-related news to social media.
DO Set Clear Expectations. Adolescents
are learning what behavior is normal during
dating. Explain what is and is not acceptable.
Studies show many tweens and teens experience
verbal harassment in dating relationships and
nearly one-third say they worry they might be
physically hurt by a romantic partner. Kids need
to know they don’t have to tolerate disrespect
or abuse. Establish a code your child can use to
escape a bad situation. If she calls or texts you
the code, come to the rescue. Tell her you need
her to return home immediately due to a “family
emergency” and pick her up if necessary.
DON’T Project. Thinking back on your
own teenage years may help you better connect
with your child, but remember, your child is not
you. “Parents may fear teens are repeating the
same mistakes they made, which – in retrospect
– seem horrifying,” says Kahn. Be careful not to
assume kids are making the same choices you
made or that the same results are inevitable. You
can’t prevent your child from making mistakes –
or talk her out of her latest crush. However, you
can be there to pick up the pieces of her broken
heart.
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